Site Meter these things take ¦[backbone]¦

Sooooo, I think some of you know, but not all of you (because I forgot to post it here) — I’m HOME.  Things were excellent in terms of treatment and only so-so in terms of coverage/payment, etc.  Thank you to everyone who tried to share my fundraiser even though the post itself didn’t get terribly far.  We made a lot more than I ever imagined possible, but just so you know it’s not something that’s come to an end just because I’m home. We still have a substantial debt from the money we DID have to pay that insurance didn’t cover, as well as weekly present therapy costs, so you’re still MORE than welcome to share the fundraiser.  It’s ongoing for as long as my medical bills are as high as they are or as long as I’m in debt from that admission.  The majority of the money in that fund will be going toward my psychiatric care since I do have fairly decently medical health coverage; but, there are times where a medical health necessity (wheelchair amenities, uncovered testing, etc) may be met by the funds.

I can’t thank you all enough for your love and support and the overwhelming amounts of care that showed up that I never in a million years imagined would or could.  I’m barely “back” in terms of the tumblrsphere; I’m still taking it a little at a time. This place can be equal parts overwhelming as it is a refuge.  So, I’ll get back in the swing of things soon :) Thank you again!

I’m going to love her with the force of the universe. I’m going to make her shiver at night while she’s trying to find warmth in a pile of blankets and damp pillows. I’m going to walk through every single room inside of her brain, picking things up and leaving my presence wherever I go. I’m going to melt myself into her veins until she can’t resist.
The things I want to do to you

(Source: umhowdandy)

Help me survive? A GoFundMe made for my hospitalization.

I know that many of you have asked how you could help.  Many even suggested making a fundraiser.  ….but when I knew I’d need over 70k, it didn’t even seem worth it.  But, a friend of my mother’s started this for me.   I edited some of the content, so it’s personalized.  Since my mother and I can’t post it to our Facebook’s etc (to protect my anonymity) and garner our friends/family support, you guys are really my only other family.  And, I know that most of you are just kids, or are poor too and just trying to get treatment yourselves.  But.  I have to try.  Maybe even just reblog this?  Someone sensitive to cPTSD/DID might be able to help, or know someone else to pass it along to that can.  Share it, tweet it, hashtag it for others to track.  I’ve seen some pretty small things get around tumblr like wildfire.  I’ve also been guilty of not reblogging for others when they go around because I doubt the sincerity of their needs.  I understand if you feel the same; or your OCD is getting to you, too, and you just can’t figure out how to make that reblog “fit” in with your blog.  (Been there, done that, too — I understand when the puzzle just can’t be cracked.)  ….But, I am genuine.  Probably even over-apologetically so.  I haven’t even added the “Oh yeah, and I’m in a wheelchair” bit to this plea, but I still don’t have the money it takes to save my life.  So, I am asking for your support.  And, if that only comes in shares, that’s still something to me.  Put it on Facebook, where the rich folks are; it doesn’t have to stay on tumblr!  (I can’t, or I would.)  If my parents have to pay for all of this….??  Please understand what that will do to me (or get creative and imagine).  We may actually have sue my insurance company later for their gross negligence, but I’d really rather not.  I feel silly doing this as it is.  But a dollar from each of you that you don’t spend on an iTunes track would add up to well beyond most of the travel expenses.  So, I had to try.  Here it is.  I begin treatment in two days.  If this terror wasn’t looming over my head, maybe I’d stand a chance at focusing on my treatment, and not all the ways I’ll be eternally indebted to my parents.  Here’s the real blurb:

Please help fund what could be this survivor’s last hope. PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is a common term these days. We hear it often in regards to soldiers that have been to war. However, this is NOT the same as what this young lady is going through. There are countless different things in life that cause trauma. This particular survivor actually has Complex-PTSD, which is derived from chronic, repetitive abuse as a child (typically over several phases of childhood development, not just an isolated year or two).  She’s experienced an unimaginable ordeal as a child, and sadly, even into her teens and beyond. There are few forms of abuse this 26-year-old girl *hasn’t* been through; her suffering is comprised of prolonged and isolated incidences of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional/verbal abuse, and psychological/brainwashing types of trauma.  The perpetrators are not amongst a singular individual or two, but a vast array of people which has left her whole world feeling unsafe and like any person - friend or stranger - could quickly become an enemy or attacker.  She spent a great deal of her late teens inpatient trying to reclaim her life and made excellent strides for sometimes a few solid years at a time; but as is often the case in the recovery of trauma, “doing well” often means there’s enough of an unconscious feeling of safety and stability for new memories to finally come out of repression and be visited for the first time.  The absolute worst, most horrific memories in this girl’s whole life story recently found her, and rattled her like no other — exceeding even her worst terrors and fears, far surpassing anything she ever thought possible.  Naturally, her progress came to a devastating halt as she was being haunted by these memories on repeat for sometimes more than half the day.  Her subsequent mental/emotional decompensation has thrust her into a terribly dark place — uncertain she can hang on through seas this brutal and unrelenting.

In response to things recently becoming very difficult for her this past year and a half, Hope 4 a Survivor was created to help with weekly medical expenses. Many don’t understand the severity and complexity of this disorder, including doctors. Her condition is so rare that they must travel 200 miles to another state to get her proper care.  Now, however, she needs to be hopsitalized in a facility even farther away. There are only 10 facilities in the states that even have the proper understanding of her condition and only ONE has accepted her in a timely manner where minutes count.  Even after being through this process eight times, insurance has decided to take the route of gross negligence; completely disregarding her entire file and case history for why specialized care is not just desired but mandatory.  They’ve decided to not cover her medically necessary treatment.  With inordinate medical expenses, plus travel expenses to get halfway across the United States, this is literally causing tens of thousands of dollars to come out of this family’s pocket. This treatment will literally save her life, without it, we (friends and family) truly do fear for her survival. Please donate and share as the amount being asked for is such a minimal fraction of what is truly needed, but any little bit will help.

If you would feel better knowing specifically how this money will be used to be secure that absolutely NO dollar will be pocketed, here’s a general summary of expenses this family is up against:

Inpatient care: 13,000/wk (room/board only; therapy/psychiatry extra)
One-way train ride (x2): $639 + $100 in gratuities to accommodate wheelchair/handicap necessities
Taxi/Rental Car: $240
Hotel: $99/day (~8 nights minimum)
Plane ride (for mother, home and back): undetermined; with available funds, she’d also like to visit mid-stay if possible
Food/Gas/Toiletries: trying to stretch below $200 for 8 days

If the funds will allow it, it’s been determined that a 6-week stay, give or take a little, would best benefit her in getting enough of the treatment she so desperately needs.  Of course, if the funds aren’t there, this won’t be possible.  But, it’s been the minimum recommendation by her outpatient doctor as well as the reviewing team at the facility she’s being admitted.  Getting her in at all before she lost her life due to insurance’s neglect was miraculous enough, now we need to give her a fighting chance by getting her sufficient treatment.  We know that personalization, names and a sweet face you can attach and connect to in our plea, often make for a more compelling pull on heartstrings to want to give — but sadly, because this girl’s perpetrators are still very much alive, we never want to put her in harm’s way by breaking her anonymity.  Aside the “Hope 4 a Survivor” text, the photo attached to this was one she composed, as art and photography are a deep passion for her.  So, there are touches of her throughout this fundraiser.  :)  
Ultimately, we need to save her life first.  ….then, it is everyone’s goal, to help her LIVE it, not just survive.

You can find more information about Hope 4 a Survivor below. I have provided a link to the Facebook page which has videos explaining the situation as well as a MINIMUM yearly expense report in the the “notes” section. Keep in mind, those expenses do not include hospital facility stays. As you can imagine, every little bit will help. Please, if you can donate, donate. If you can’t donate, LIKE the Facebook page and SHARE it as well as this GoFundMe link in hopes that enough kind souls in this world have hope for this survivor!! 

You can easily access the videos and documents on the Hope 4 a Survivor Facebook page by clicking on the “more” tab at the top of the page.
Click here for more information on Hope 4 a Survivor

Included in my announcement that I won’t be blogging on this blog for a couple weeks, this is why…..annnnd is serious a reason enough that I need inordinate amounts of funds just to meet my medical needs.  I needed to share this is every place possible to even help me stand a chance.